From: Head of European Taste Team
To: Unilever HQ
So, as discussed, we've been off around Europe with a crate-load of Bovril,
Peperami, Marmite, Pot Noodle and other brands, to see what interest we can
drum up. As has been reported, 14 of them are being hived off into a
separate company, to be managed from Rotterdam, perhaps with a view to their
being sold.
It's been a gruelling trip, we all have stinking breath and a few have scurvy.
For the past few weeks, some of the girls have been willing to do anything
for vegetables. Pretty undignified. Management failure. Perhaps we should
have eaten some fruit and veg as well. Anyway, the results:
Peperami
Prospects limited. We've been doing very well domestically with this product
in recent years, under the slogan “It's a Bit of an Animal”. At home, focus
groups tend to ask “what animal?” (Pig.) Across the Continent,
interestingly, the question is more usually “what bit?” The Germans seem to
want it to be a bit of the brain. The Italians, well, you don't want to
know. And, of course, there's no easy answer. A new slogan? “Peperami: It's
Loads of Bits from Loads of Animals, All Crushed Together”? Too technical?
We'll float it.
Pot Noodle
Let's be honest. The French were never going to stand for this. So, we focused
on the Netherlands. Pot Noodle - noodles for people on pot. It's genius.
Will the board stand for us making this a major new marketing strategy? We
might need to ditch the “noodles” bit though. Pot Snacks? Pot Meals? Pot
Noodle sounds too much like a politician from The Hague.
Marmite
You either love it or you hate it. Just like..? Exactly. The French. That's
the only market that really suggests itself. The Spanish, Italians,
Portuguese and Belgians wouldn't touch the stuff. The Dutch quite fancied it
as bodypaint, but we felt that might tarnish the brand. The Germans wanted
to know who else liked it, before deciding whether they did or not. But the
French are a real possibility. It's Eric Cantona in a jar. No wonder.
Bovril
Nothing. Not a sniff. People kept asking us what it was for. What is it for?
We've eaten it, we've drunk it and we've smoked it, and none of this seemed
very sensible. Our best suggestion is that we market it for the Swiss, in
that it's a bit like what the French have (Marmite) but full of cows. Yeah,
I know. Weak. New approach needed. Is it any good for rust? To be discussed,
over lunch. Mine's a salad.
Head, ETT
