People in London have been curious. What was it like to pitch a TV show in LA, they ask. I tell them it's a lot like being the guest of honor at a dinner party. And everyone is eagerly waiting for you to get to the funny part of the story, looking at you, waiting to laugh. Only no one is drunk.
Just before the meeting begins, an assistant will ask if you like your bottle of water room temperature or chilled. A friend of mine says he always messes this part up and asks for: 'A little bit of both.'
I suggest preparing. If you have sensitive teeth, as I do, room temperature is best.
Once the meeting begins, the agents will greet the executives and the executives will greet the agents and then everything will get very quiet as people sit down, exhale, and stare at you. There's a lot of performing involved in pitching. The goal is to get people really excited about your idea ' which is the exact opposite of what I'm good at. If only it was about finding reasons why something won't work.
If the aim is to pitch a TV show that someone's interested in, I can't help. But here are some tips on what not to say:
1. I can't really explain it, but trust me, it's funny.
2. Does everything always have to be successful?
3. After watching this show, people will feel miserable.
4. I heard you passed on CSI
5. People say I'm difficult to work with but I don't think I am.
6. You look so much like my nana
7.. Before I tell you my idea, let's talk about Burma
8.. Is it true you're the person who tried to kill Seinfeld?
9. There's nothing sexy about this show.
10. I think we might have the same psychopharmacologist!